just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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