I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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