STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
