with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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