She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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