I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
