I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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