Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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