Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
