I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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