i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
