i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
