Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just pynch a tree in the face
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
