Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found the puke drawer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
