he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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