I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
