I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
