is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
