i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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