I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
