Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
