I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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