Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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