my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
