I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
