evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
please come you make the beer taste better
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
