herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
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Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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