I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
