plz talk dirty to me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
