Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
