Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
