you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
