Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
