It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
