Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
a search helicopter?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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