There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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