I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
