my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
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