I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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