if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
