It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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