I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
