haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
vagina is talking i cant
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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