just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
