Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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