I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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