This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
