There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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