and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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