New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
