considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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