I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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