This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
