What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
