why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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