Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
