dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
