He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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