we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
