Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize