Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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