i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
