perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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