In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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